Vows Part II: To Have & To Hold

In Part 1 of this vow series, As Long As We Both Shall Live, we explored the sacred seriousness of wedding vows, how couples step into a covenant not with casual words, but with promises meant to carry the weight of a lifetime. We reflected on the hope every couple feels at the altar: that love will endure, that faithfulness will remain, that what is promised in ceremony will also hold in hardship.

Here in Part 2, we step into the very first vow itself, the one that quietly rearranges an entire life.

When couples stand at the altar, they do so with sincere intention. They speak their vows, believing they mean them and believing their partner means them too. The words are not performance; they are promise. We hope, in that moment, that these vows will become guardians of our marriage, propelling it forward and protecting it when storms come.

But what most couples don’t yet realize is this: Keeping vows requires renewing them every single day. Vows are not only spoken once. They are lived again each morning.

That’s why the first line of the traditional vow set is not a request or a wish. It is a proclamation:

“To have and to hold from this day forward.”

Those final words matter. Not just today. From this day forward.

This is not merely a promise about the wedding day. It is a declaration about every day that follows. And it is the very heartbeat behind the name The Renavelle.

The word Renavelle is formed from two ancient roots: rena, meaning to renew, and velle, meaning a vow. The name itself is a reminder that marriage is not held together by a single moment at an altar, but by the daily choice to renew what was once spoken.

Vows are meant to be renewed.

To Have: The Vow of Primacy

What does it mean to say, “I will have you”?

It means more than accepting someone. More than choosing them. More even than loving them.

A vow “to have” someone is a promise of primacy, to place this person at the center of your life above every other human relationship. It is saying: you are first. Not first among equals. First, period. Whoever comes second is a distant second.

Tammy and I have learned this vow is not self-sustaining. There have been seasons when my role as a pastor tested our primacy. I was focused on helping other people’s marriages, other people’s families, other people’s crises, while quietly neglecting the first relationship God had entrusted to me. I didn’t stop loving Tammy. I simply forgot that “to have” her meant she could not become secondary to the work of ministry.

In another season, when our children were still young, Tammy stepped into a demanding marketing and communications role with a start-up. She did the work with excellence. But quickly, her professional value and responsibilities began to compete with being present with me. Again, no betrayal. No collapse. Just the slow drift that happens when good things crowd out first things.

In both seasons, we had to return to the vow, to re-say it, re-choose it, and remember: I will have you.

In those moments, we found our way back through honest conversations, trusted friends, and choosing presence again when it would have been easier to drift.

This is the quiet revolution of marriage. It reorders loyalties, time, attention, affection, and ambition. It declares: my life is no longer only mine. It belongs to us.

At The Renavelle, we believe wedding spaces should reflect the gravity of this moment. Not rushed. Not transactional. But sacred, spacious, and intentional, a place where couples don’t just exchange vows, but feel the weight of what they are promising.

With water and a fountain at the center, with tables set for lingering meals and a chapel designed for quiet reverence, couples step into a space that gently whispers: this moment matters.

To Hold: The Vow of Permanence

If “to have” speaks of priority, “to hold” speaks of permanence.

To hold is to remain. To stay when feelings shift. To provide safety when life shakes. To be count-on-able.

Tammy and I have never walked away from our marriage physically. But we can both admit there have been seasons when we walked away emotionally through apathy, distraction, or quiet indifference. Not dramatic exits. Just the slow withdrawal of presence, attentiveness, and tenderness.

And in those moments, the vow to hold was tested.

Would we stay engaged? Would we return to one another? Would we do the work of re-connection?

Sociologists Linda Waite and Maggie Gallagher describe the deep human longing behind this:

“When love seeks permanence, a safe home for children who long for both parents, when men and women look for someone they can count on, there are no substitutes. The word for what we want is marriage.” *

This is what couples are promising when they say “to hold.”

Not simply affection, but dependability.

Not only romance, but refuge.

As Scripture quietly echoes: “A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.” (Ecclesiastes 4:12)

Marriage was never designed to be sustained by two alone. It is strengthened by God’s presence and by the community that surrounds the covenant.

From This Day Forward: The Daily Renewal

Wedding vows are not self-sustaining. They require memory. Practice. Reinforcement.

That’s why vows were never meant to be private words spoken in isolation. They were always spoken before witnesses.

At The Renavelle, we design ceremonies that invite the community into the covenant, not as spectators, but as participants. When friends and family gather, they are not only celebrating. They are becoming part of the vow-keeping ecosystem.

They remind the couple of who they promised to be. They speak encouragement in hard seasons. They call them back when the drift begins. They hold the story when the couple feels tired.

Marriage was never meant to be sustained by two people alone. It is upheld by a covenant community that says:

We heard your vows. And we will help you remember them.

A Space That Calls Vows to Life

A wedding venue should do more than host a ceremony. It should shape it.

The Renavelle exists to create gatherings that feel worthy of the vows spoken within them, spaces that slow couples down, ground them in meaning, and surround them with people who will walk with them long after the last dance ends.

Because vows are not only for the wedding day, they are for the mornings after. The arguments. The reconciliations. The long years. The aging hands.

To have and to hold, from this day forward.

And to renew those vows, again and again.

If you’re planning a wedding and longing for more than a backdrop, if you want a place that honors the sacred weight of your vows and surrounds you with beauty, presence, and meaning, we’d love to welcome you to The Renavelle.

Because some promises deserve a space worthy of remembering them.

[*Waite & Gallagher, The Case for Marriage, p. 204.]